I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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