I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
