I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You dont lie about slip and slides
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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