When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
