happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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