So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
