Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
