im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
