Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
