It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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