remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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