It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We had to coat check the pizza.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone signed my nipple.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
