I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
