So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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