yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
