I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
