She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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