I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
