We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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