my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
