i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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