Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
