i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Enjoy the penises
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
