now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
