Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
