I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
