It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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