he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
