Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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