Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
