So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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