I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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