Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
