I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
