if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
