Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
