We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
