I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
