8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just invented taco cereal.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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