Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(510): View more from California

I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college

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(480): View more from Arizona

this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.

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(904): View more from Florida

naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.

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(916): View more from California

Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.

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