I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
