Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
