you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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