oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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