I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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