your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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