I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
