My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She bit a glass in half.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
