a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
