If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you traded sex for a burrito?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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